still sweet

Hello, sweet friends! 

Things have been really quiet here, blog-wise, haven't they?  But, I've been thinking a lot, and you know what that means...I'm gonna share.

As you know, I'm working every day now, and it's super hard for me, because I find that it takes so much of my energy, creative and otherwise.  And, partly due to that, I find I'm not putting as much creative thought into my home as I used to, and that was a goodly part of what I shared on this blog.  (Truthfully, this may well be because I'm not bringing as much new stuff in here all the time, either.)  I used to spend a lot of time at that, working on my home.  But now I wonder, honestly, how much of that was just me filling time?  I mean, how many different ways does a room need to be decorated?  And yet, I know without a doubt that what I did for and with my family in this regard made a difference.  Is it missed?  I can't say.

So, I was a housewife, and a stay-at-home mom who loved creating and creativity and all things child-like and fun and playful.  And that was so sweet.  But now, I work in an office, and I might have to say good-bye to this house, and my children are growing older--no longer babies who needed me as they once did, either for hugs or for distractions.  And that's good.  But I'm in transititon from being one person to being another, and it's so strange.  And what I want more than anything is for this to not be the end of my story.  I cannot let it be.  I don't know where the wind will take me, but it is my life, and it will be sweet.  I will find the sweetness if I have to, but I don't think I always will.  It will find me.

And here's another thing:  I'm getting older, and my kids are growing, and maybe I don't fit into the prescribed "crafty mom" blog anymore.  But I don't want a sweet life to have to look a certain way, or be a certain age, or have a pre-set lifestyle.  Sweet lives come in all shapes and sizes, and lots of different vintages, and more than that, they grow and change and recreate themselves all the time.  So, while my blog may not always hi-light the darling goods it has so frequently featured in the past, it will share what is truly sweet in my life, and hopefully yours, too.

What will that be, by and large?  That's the thing:  I don't know yet.  It's truly a new path for me, and I'm finding my way slowly.  But I think it will have alot to do with the way that life goes so fast, and how wonderful it is to watch the people that my children are becoming.  And maybe the way that the hardships we are facing can be turned into gifts for ourselves and others.

It occurs to me that I always, always felt that life was about striving--succeeding--doing better than our parents did, achieving greater comfort and accolades, etc.  But it isn't.  It's about being.  Yes, all that stuff--jobs, money, mortgages, new tires---is super important, but only to the extent that it facilitates what is really sweet in our lives.  And, too, creative expression (the kind so evident in the handmade/blogging/crafty/artistic community we love) is important, but only to the extent that it celebrates the love in our lives or comforts us and reminds us of that love in the hardest and scariest times.  Otherwise, it's just "show."

And finally, I think that the most important aspect of a sweet life, for me, is this:  the realization that we haveall we need.  If we have our loved ones nearby and a reasonably healthy and functional body and good nourishing food and a warm place to rest--we have all we need.  No Eames chairs or kokeshi dolls or expensive (but darling) handmade European clogs needed.  At all.

 
What a relief.

You just have to show up everyday and love what you love.  Take care of business, and let your heart lead the way.  Is this news to you?   Because, it is, to me.  I've heard variations of all this before, but I never, ever got it.  "All you have is all you need.  Blah, blah, blah."  (If that were true, I used to think, how come there is a black pit of wanting where my contented little heart should be?  Why am I compelled, in every thing that I do, to relieve the sense of LACK that I feel?) 

And what changed?  Why do I understand now, when I did not before?  I think it's because I had to be forced to take a step away from my actions, to stop indulging in the behaviors that I thought would relieve the pain.  And by doing that, by relieving the distractions that obsessed me all the time, I was able to see clearly and for the first time all that I do have:  the love of my family and my dear friends, the simple comforts of my modest life, my own health and that of those I love--those are gifts beyond measure.

 

I'm so glad I realized in time.  As my best friend says about my family's troubles, "It's only money, Amy.  All of that can be fixed.  But your family--they are healthy and happy.  That's what matters."  And she's so right.

Whatever time I have left, let me spend it being grateful, and loving with a full heart.  I'll find my way, and I hope you'll join me on my journey, because it's so much nicer with you along.

Thanks for reading, my sweets.

xoxox.

Comments

[Anita Hamilton]

:: big hugs:: it is okay to go with change. I know you will be okay. And you have a great attitude about it.

I don't know exactly what you've been going through, but I have personally lost the thousands in my savings and my home, almost everything and way to nearly almost lost my baby in her fragile beginning (all this within 5months time).

But its all okay, and were all healthy and love each other and always find our way, somehow. Things are getting better and so I know they will for you too.

You have my love and support anytime.
~Anita Hamilton
http://www.thestylishshopaholic.com

[Deb]

This thoughtful post brings to mind a famous quote from Volatire's Candide - "il faut cultiver son jardin" (you need to tend your own garden). Happiness lies in the simple things in life, your family and friends. Instead of looking here, there and everywhere, look at your own and concentrate on all that you already have. wise words for a wise lady - enjoy your weekend :)

[Beth Lehman]

your honesty reminds us all what is truly important.

[Kathryn A]

I go where you (and your blog) go, so journey away!

[Elizabeth]

At 56, my blog is more about my interactions with my children, my life, my part-time work as an adjunct professor than it is about things and decor. I do like reading those blogs, but they aren't my life. Sounds as if you're heading a different, but fascinating direction, nudged off a proverbial cliff and right now are in freefall, trying to get your footing in your "new" life.

You'll find it. I've survived a few of those freefalls, and the results were worth, although the journey a bit painful. I like how all your photos were of stillness, of reflection. Sounds like you are making your way already.

[Elizabeth]

*the results were worth it*

(still human after all these years. . .)

[v]

thank you for sharing sweet Amy, have a great weekend!

[Beverley]

You will always be a crafy mom no matter how old your children and how your circumstances change. I am 57 in a couple of weeks and been through the stay at home mum making stuff out of egg cartons with the children, I have been a working mother pushing through the glass ceiling and now a semi retired carer for my mum and back on the crafting. So everything goes in a circle just remember to enjoy every stage of your life. Have fun and be Blessed.

[sunny]

Thank you dear Amy for your substance. Thank you for sharing something real. Thank you for giving us reason to rejoice instead of want. Keep working it out, we will be with our Amens.

[Holly]

You are so real and it is refreshing to have you out there, Amy. I love the depth you have brought to your blog lately. I think the juxtaposition of your authenticity and the happy stuff you share here, well, it just works. However you evolve in the future Amy, however this blog evolves, I know I will continue to be interested. Thanks for sharing with all of us.

[Cristie]

This was truly beautiful! I'm proud of you for taking time to really look at yourself and your life. It's so much easier to keep covering it up. I am finding that Jesus wants to fill all of those "bottomless pits" in my heart that can't be satisfied with anything else! Blessings on you and your growing self and growing up kids!