a test of will

Oh.  It's very hard. 

If my situation were not so dire, the little set of dishes above would be well on it's way to me, as we speak.  I've been looking for a complete set for a while now (I just have the bowls--boy and girl) and I'm telling you, this is really the stuff my dreams are made of.  Since it cannot be mine, what's the next best thing?  Share it with you!  Maybe one of you all would be inclined to give it a sweet home.  Maybe not!  Maybe it'll just make you smile.

All these sweet goods are from a shop called Urban Artifacts, a very, very cool selection of vintage finds from Coeur d'Alene (showing my considerable geographical ignorance here--I don't know where that is, but they've got great thrift shops, evidently?).

Sweetness.  Have a peek, if you like! 

***

By the by, on the note of "simplifying my expenditures" (my new euphemism for our current lifestyle adjustments, which in itself is a euphemism for "a really crappy turn of events")--I do not wish to give the impression that I am handling this whole thing with the patience of a saint.  In fact, I came home from work on Thursday night practically spitting (verbal) nails at my husband, simply because he was the only one at whom I could safely spit them.  Sometimes, I'm just really, really angry.  And sad.  And scared.

Luckily, the next day I apologized (he was great about it, as usual) and my equilibrium had returned.  But, as my family will tell you, while I have been handling things better than some might, I suppose (?), I know I'm not perfect, in any way.  I'm just me, and that means human and whiny and even--dare I say it--a trifle bitchy, on occasion.  But that's okay, too.  Part of the process, I suppose.  Just didn't want anyone to think I'm always "brave" or "strong" or "courageous"...It just ain't so.

Thanks for reading.  Have a lovely, lovely weekend, all! 

xoxox.
  

Comments

[hillary]

I'm glad you and your husband are able to communicate about money and are forgiving of each other...financial attitudes in relationships are so tricky sometimes.

We are really cutting back right now too, as my husband's income went down by 30% last year (his company no longer gives bonuses). Every time I get the urge to buy something beautiful from an Etsy artist or a vintage shop I go take a look in one of many closets packed to the gills with STUFF. I have enough fabric and art supplies to create a million things. I have prints galore (many just hiding in a closet waiting to be framed). I do not need more STUFF. It's a lot of emotional/mental work not to beat myself up for being so focused on acquisition. But really it is a biological urge to collect.

Just think, in pre-history we would have done such a good job providing for our families by seeking and acquiring things to make our lives better. So I am learning how to focus my energy in those ways right now. For example, cooking feeds me creatively when I put the right energy into it, and my daughter loves to cook with me. The acquisitional part of me says things like: I want a chest freezer so I can store all the extra meals I make! I want new cute kitchenware so I can cook even more things! I want some vintage pot holders because they are so cute! I want I want I want. It's all BS. Really what I want is to invest energy and love into a creative pursuit so that I (and those around me) can benefit. So I guess I'm discovering how to translate those "I want" impulses into something more productive and satisfying than making a purchase. I also waste a lot of energy window shopping online. Like instead of browsing vintage linens for three hours I could be embroidering a dang dish towel, right? So I'm working on a list of affirmations/redirections, as well as a list of my skills and abilities that could bring me the same happiness (or even the same item). These are for reading when I get all wanty. For example:

"I want new toys/clothes/educational materials/books for my daughter." That really means, "I want my daughter to feel loved/stimulated." or "I want or like a certain item and I am using my daughter as an excuse to acquire it." Alternatives: Make something special for or with her, reinvent something we already own, reorganize her room, spend time with her reading/playing/making art, go to the library, work in the yard together, or acknowledge that it is my desire and not hers.

I actually really appreciate that you're letting us in on your experience too. It has been really helpful in coming to terms with my own attitudes.

[feather]

i'm jumping out of my skin right now! coeur d'alene? for reals? it's in idaho. i know because i am an idahoan, but coeurd'... is up north. i'm totally going there this summer, if the thrifting is as you say it is! and i'm impressed you could even spell the place. i had to keep scrolling back up to your mention to get all the letters right. in case you are wondering, it's pronounced "core d'lane"

[Amy Hanson]

Hilary, this is genius: ""I want new toys/clothes/educational materials/books for my daughter." That really means, "I want my daughter to feel loved/stimulated." or "I want or like a certain item and I am using my daughter as an excuse to acquire it." Alternatives: Make something special for or with her, reinvent something we already own, reorganize her room, spend time with her reading/playing/making art, go to the library, work in the yard together, or acknowledge that it is my desire and not hers." SO SMART. I'm not sure I ever looked at it that way, but you are so right. I'm going to create some affirmations in the same vein--it's so important to regonize the intention behind our actions, and we so rarely do--what a wonderful opportunity to do just that...I've also been thinking alot lately about how the things I purchased in the past were more about making my life LOOK a certain way, to myself and others, not about the life itself. I think I was under the impression that if my life had a certain look (suitable for magazine publication, of course) then I would somehow become a person "worthy" of that life. Really sad. I'm so glad I don't feel that way anymore...Thank you so much for your thoughts--they are super helpful. xoxo.

Feather, I hope you CAN get to Coeur d'Alene (or whatever it is) this summer! Let me know how the thrifting is--it's got to be much better than Southern CA, at any rate! And thanks for cluing me in on it's where-abouts...xoxox :o)

[Helen]

I have been thinking about your post all week. Much love and good thoughts. Brave and strong are often over-rated.

x

[katiecrackernuts]

Seriously, no need to apologise - 'cept maybe to ya fella, that was needed. But to us, let it all hang out. OK?

[sollee]

Hey Amy!

Thanks so much for featuring my shop! It has truly made my day...

I was reading about you and your family's struggles and there is something to be said from learning from your mistakes...some of my worst mistakes became my best learning opportunities. It sounds like you guys will be ok:)

And hey you can always move to Coeur d' alene with the fab thrift stores, way cheap cost of living and a beautiful lake!

I love your blog, and thanks again!

Sollee

[v]

I have been reading your posts last couple of weeks and thinking what to write...and at the end I just want to say...keep going Amy, you are going the right direction and thanks for inspiring me:) have a great day!

[Amy Hanson]

Sollee...It was my pleasure, really. And I would love to move to Coeur d'Alene! Any day! :o)

[Amy Hanson]

Veronika, I so appreciate your kind words. I do not see how I could possibly inspire you, though--you seem so incredibly savvy and creative and kind and wonderful. But thank you. xoxo.